The Old South State

A TAPster sent this satire (I think it’s satire):

Things got so bad on Jones Street today that legislative leaders asked staff to research steps necessary for the state to secede from the Union.

“We might as well,” said Senate leader Phil Berger. “The federal government is cutting off our money and services. We have no choice. Plus, we’re innocent. It’s Charlotte’s fault!”

Berger said North Carolina’s situation is similar to the one faced by South Carolina in 1860 when that state grew weary of being pushed around by a bossy federal government. Berger also found other similarities.

“Those Sandlappers wanted to preserve an economy based on slavery,” Berger said. “We want to preserve a society for people who pee like us.”

Berger also asked the NC National Guard for an inventory of “big guns” that could be used to fire the symbolic “first shot”, even though North Carolina lacks a convenient target like Fort Sumter.

“We’re reluctant to shoot at Fort Bragg,” Berger said. “They might shoot back.”

Opponents of Berger’s plan secession plan said it will result in a state that resembles South Carolina in the 1860s.

“Sounds good,” Berger said. “That’s the comfort zone for the folks in my district, and they’re the only people in North Carolina who matter.”

 

 

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Gary Pearce

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The Old South State

A TAPster sent this satire (I think it’s satire):

Things got so bad on Jones Street today that legislative leaders asked staff to research steps necessary for the state to secede from the Union.

“We might as well,” said Senate leader Phil Berger. “The federal government is cutting off our money and services. We have no choice. Plus, we’re innocent. It’s Charlotte’s fault!”

Berger said North Carolina’s situation is similar to the one faced by South Carolina in 1860 when that state grew weary of being pushed around by a bossy federal government. Berger also found other similarities.

“Those Sandlappers wanted to preserve an economy based on slavery,” Berger said. “We want to preserve a society for people who pee like us.”

Berger also asked the NC National Guard for an inventory of “big guns” that could be used to fire the symbolic “first shot”, even though North Carolina lacks a convenient target like Fort Sumter.

“We’re reluctant to shoot at Fort Bragg,” Berger said. “They might shoot back.”

Opponents of Berger’s plan secession plan said it will result in a state that resembles South Carolina in the 1860s.

“Sounds good,” Berger said. “That’s the comfort zone for the folks in my district, and they’re the only people in North Carolina who matter.”

 

 

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Gary Pearce

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