The most startling news of the day came at the very end of Rob Christensen’s column: “Full disclosure. Last year, I signed a contract as co-producer with a major Hollywood producer for a movie that may be made in North Carolina….”
Zounds! Stop the presses! This is a bombshell. And inquiring minds demand to know more.
What is Rob’s Hollywood blockbuster-to be? “Clark Kent: The Real Story”? You can hear the trailer now, in that ominous voice by the guy who does trailer voiceovers: “In a world where rampaging Republican barbarians trample the lives and dreams of decent, hard-working people, one mild-mannered columnist dares to reveal the truth about their real agenda and the evil genius behind their plot for world domination.” Brad Pitt will play Rob and Jack Nicholson, Art Pope.
Hollywood hasn’t called me, so the movie probably isn’t “The Jim Hunt Story.” So maybe it’s a Rufus Edmisten biopic: “Fast Times and High Office.” Will Farrell plays Rufus.
Or maybe Thom Tillis. That trailer-voice guy again: “In a world where rampaging hordes of barbarian outsiders terrorize hard-working taxpayers and impose a welfare state tyranny, one man dares to stand up for traditional populations.” Harrison Ford was set for the role, but suffered an unfortunate accident on the set of the new Star Wars sequel. We’re open to casting ideas.
Or maybe it’s “The Real Under the Dome.” Again: “In a world where millions turn their backs on the printed page, one newspaper dares to defy the inevitable tide of technology.” Tom Hanks plays John Drescher.
Seriously, Rob, you can’t tease us like this. We deserve to know the full story.
Alas, Rob’s final words leave little hope: “The project is stalled.”