As a boy growing up in Virginia my grandmother told me, Be polite…to dowager aunts, grandmothers, rudeness was taboo. Courtesy was an old southern habit.

In college I sat down in the bleachers to watch a football game – students poured whiskey into paper cups, guzzled, faces flushed screamed, cheered – but politeness still held.

A few years later, at a baseball game in Yankee Stadium, I walked into a different world. Cut from a different bolt of cloth New Yorkers jeered, mocked not just Baltimore Orioles players but umpires and their own players.

Politics back then, when Reagan came along, had a hard edge. Like a boxing match. Both sides threw punches but at the same time old-fashioned courtesy held. Hurling insults, name-calling, backfired.

Fast forward: When Trump, like those Yankee fans, hurls insults some folks shake their heads. But Trump’s also entertaining. And a legion of people cheer.

Even while loathing Trump, Democrats were able to hold onto a vestige of politeness. At their debate Kamala Harris prodded, poked nerves, goaded Trump. But didn’t hurl insults.

Trump Republicans have long since thrown politeness out the window – but that loss left a vacuum. That comes with a price.

When swing voters stare from Trump to Harris, who they choose boils down to a simple question: Which one do I dislike least?  Issues hardly matter. They think: She’s nice. He’s not. And even people who disagree with Harris vote for her.

The same thing’s happening in North Carolina in our governor’s race. Josh Stein’s an old-fashioned liberal. But he never raises his voice. A voter can disagree with him and still like him. But when Mark Robinson’s mean streak breaks out even folks who agree with him dislike a man who in one breath says he’s a Christian fighting for God – then, in the next breath, roars like a bully.

Trump and Robinson could win on issues. But both handed their opponents a deadly weapon: An election about character. Where issues hardly matter.