A close examination of newspaper ads shows why newspapers are dying: Those of us who get the print edition are about to die.

Here, in order, are the ads on one random day:

A half-page ad about reverse mortgages for seniors.

A full-page ad for hearing aids (“a virtually invisible personal sound amplifier”).

A quarter-page ad for “Senior Day” at Belk.

A quarter-page ad for uterine and ovarian cancer products.

A half-page ad headed “Burning, Tingling, Painful or Numb Feet? Don’t Suffer Any Longer!”

The “AloeCure,” which apparently cures everything.

Another full-page ad for hearing aids. (“WHAT? SPEAK UP! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”)

Then, thankfully, a Staples ad. Finally something for people who can still function.

It’s hard to decide which is more depressing: the ads or the news.