Imagine this: A pollster-guru-political whiz sitting in McCain’s headquarters turning pages, staring at statistics, searching to find someone in America who is less popular than George Bush stops, looks up and says two words:

“Paris Hilton.”

The young Republican males sitting across the table — who have cut their teeth in the ‘voters are idiots’ school of politics — grin. And the older Republicans like me — who are looking behind them at a generation where young people wear a dozen earrings in each ear — nod. Because electing a candidate who says he’s on a mission to “save the planet” does seem a bit like electing Paris Hilton.

So a strategy was born. And an ad made.

And I can empathize with the older Republicans’ point of view. Or could. Until I sat down in my barber’s chair yesterday and he, lifting a pair of scissors, snorted, That McCain ad was damn silly.

I paid for the haircut, went home, sat down in the living room, turned on Fox News, and there was the old admiral slamming Obama for playing the race card. He’d just stuck Barack Obama in the same pot with Theodore Bilbo. By now I’m looking at McCain’s campaign, wondering, What gives with these guys?

Yes, I get McCain’s not-so-subtle points: Obama’s a flaky celebrity who ought to scare the willies out of someone like me just by walking past the door to the Oval Office. And blasting Obama for playing the race card is a clever way to muddy the political water before anyone starts playing real racial politics.

But doesn’t McCain looking silly matter, too?

This election’s come down to a choice no one expected. Obama’s running against George Bush IV. And McCain’s against Paris Hilton. And Friday’s Gallup poll showed the race tied.

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